I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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