so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
