Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
