just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
