Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
