Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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