Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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