I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
