you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
