wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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