I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize