I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
