Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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