Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
