i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize