"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
