If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
