I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
