no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
