I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she told me i tasted like america
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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