I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
