i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
