I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
