shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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