Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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