I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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