I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize