I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
