I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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