he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
