Her vagina should come with caution tape.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize