sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
