my mouth tastes like poor choices
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
