omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
