What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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