So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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