So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize