i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
