How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he thought i was a dude.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
