u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
