I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
