The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
