Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I am midnight drunk by noon
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
