fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
