I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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