I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
