there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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