you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
the liver wants what the liver wants
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
how drunk are you?
Several
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
