Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize