I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
