I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
