I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
