Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
