someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
