As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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