The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
