He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
