I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
