WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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