told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
