She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
