Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize