I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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