My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
