So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
