I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
