Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So squirting runs in the family.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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