she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
