Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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