He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
