if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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