I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
