i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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