You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
