oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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