He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
