genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
