i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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