So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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