I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I need to sanitize my soul.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
