is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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