dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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