My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
