I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
