They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
