My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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