Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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