I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
