Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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