I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
