You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
