So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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