I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
