When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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