It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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