Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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