I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
