I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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