OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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