I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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