remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
