"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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