it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
