Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
