I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Woke up backwards on a recliner
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
