you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
