where does the pee come out of this thing
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
