Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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