1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Never joke about your clitoris.
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