if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
