There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
