Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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