Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
