3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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