My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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