Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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