Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize